Monday, July 22, 2013

Patron Goddess (April 2007)

Today was the day (well, one of the days) I've been waiting for my whole life - the day I climbed the Acropolis and paid homage to my patron goddess, Athena.  It wasn't until I was on the Acropolis, taking it all in, that I realized that in some way, shape, or form, Athena IS my patron goddess (or would be, if I actually believed in the Greek pantheon).  Remember me mentioning that game I played at Bright Ideas?  Well, I learned about all the Greek gods and goddesses, but it was Athena that I really admired, because she was the goddess of wisdom and the arts.  Aphrodite had love, of course, but even at an early age I looked down on doe-eyed twit girls who used love to manipulate men.  So I thought Athena was cool - she was who I wanted to be like.

If I'd realized that she was a virgin goddess...if I'd known what that meant...I might not have thought she was so cool.  On the other hand, at least I didn't pick a butch goddess like Artemis....
These were the sorts of thoughts stewing in my brain as I explored the Acropolis, admiring the temples and being astounded by how much history this place had seen.  Then I descended to the Areopagus, and wandered over to the Pnyx, and the hills of the nymphs and the muses...and I wondered if I could change it.  I may or may not have taken a rock from the Acropolis (a regular rock, nothing significant, to give to my brother won't be the first rock I've illegally exported from somewhere to give him), which is Athena's sanctuary.  What if I took it to a temple of Aphrodite and left it as a symbolic offering?  Would I suddenly become lucky in love?  And would I piss of Athena so royally that she would take back every artistic or smart thing about me?

I decided even if that sort of thing worked, if it was real, I wouldn't do it.  It turns out that as an adult, I still look down on women who would trade their self-respect and talents for the feeling of being loved.  I'm sure they have their reasons, but I can't live my life like that.  I won't settle for a mediocre life with a measure of comfort and security, just to feel loved.  I would rather be single than live my life with a man that isn't in every way my equal.

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