One of the greatest atrocities the human race has ever perpetuated against itself is its insistence on sunrise. Don't get me wrong - there is something unmistakably stunning about watching the gathering brightness burst over the horizon. But as far as I'm concerned, you get the same light show at sunset, without the hard morning rollout.
Our third day in Turkey started at 4 in the bloody morning. It's a good thing Engrish and I were both jetlagged, because getting up that early when you're on vacation should basically be a travel crime. And I say that in spite of the fact that I hate tourists so much that I regularly wake up early to avoid them. It's just
that early is bordering on obscene. 4 am is
just past the "easier to stay up all night than to get up early" mark. But I digress.
The reason we were up at oh-dark-hundred was to go hot air ballooning, which apparently is rare at sunset (probably having something to do with the wind), or apparently any other time of the day (probably because no one wants to pay out the ass unless the sun is doing something romantic). We sat, bleary eyed in the office of Hidden Cave waiting for the white van of destiny to stop at our door - one of a seemingly endless convoy shuttling tourists out of Goreme to the north, where the balloons were raising their heads about as sleepily as we were.
Once we got there, snacks were passed out, and it wasn't long before we were shephered into the basket - there ended up being 28 of us, but Engrish and I weren't complaining because we at least got IN the basket; undoubtedly there were some people who missed their shot thanks to the previous day's snow. The skies were finally lightening when the balloon was fully inflated, as the guys from
Discovery Balloons finally gave up their wrestling match against the power of fire and released us up into the air.
Engrish didn't take much convincing to decide that even if it was expensive we really had to have this "once in a lifetime experience." Or...you know...
twice, for some of us. Even though I'd been before, Luxor really couldn't compare to this trip - for starters, nobody seemed to have livestock on their roof. There were also so many more balloons in the air that no matter which direction we faced there were beautiful shots to be taken (did I take over 200 photos in less than an hour? You bet your ass I did).
One of the things about traveling to Cappadocia is that, like, 50% of the blog posts never shut up about how fucking romantic it is (the remaining 50% only talk about hiking...it's a very select market going there, apparently). Not only was our basket - including the other two people in each of our compartments - full of lovey-dovey couples, it was also hard as hell for Engrish to find us a hotel with two separate beds. Far, faaar too many of the cozy little cave hotels also had rooms with the bathtub in the room with the beds. Which I guess is nice if that's what you came there for, but the two of us had a couple of good laughs about how very UNromantic our vacation was.
Anyways, if you're not aware (and why would you be, since I didn't mention it when I did this fourteen years ago?), balloon pilots can only control the altitude of the balloon. That is, they can make it go up or down, but that's it. Okay, actually, I think they can get it to turn, too, but otherwise they can't impact the direction it's going - that is, where they actually end up depends on where the wind blows. This was pretty funny when the hour was almost up and we could see the convoy of white vans chasing us across the countryside. I'm guessing that they at least have some idea of where they might end up, and probably choose their starting point so that you fly over something interesting, but ultimately it's undoubtedly more art than science.
Our flight went over "Love Valley," which you will be hearing more about another day. You will also be hearing about that turd-shaped rock formation, sitting on the horizon like a pile of shit, and the endless trek we went on to get there...to tide you over til then, just know it would have taken Engrish a LOT less time on her own...
By the way, remember how we had snow the day before? Well, on one hand, getting to see the frosty landscape all decked out in white was pretty sweet, not gonna lie. But...
Do you have any idea how cold it gets up in the sky? On a normal day? Well, I don't, but I'm pretty fucking sure it's not THIS cold. Every time the pilot pulled the cord to make the fire blast, I held my hands up to thaw them out. Somehow* the rest of me was fine, but since I pretty much didn't stop taking pictures the whole time, my fingers were constantly being exposed. I can still feel the freeze.
I mean, I don't regret it for a heartbeat. But if any of the many, MANY shops we'd stopped in the day before had any sense, they would have been pushing the hand-crocheted mittens HARD. I probably still wouldn't have bought any - if you haven't caught on yet, I DO have the "I'm from Mongolia, this isn't cold!!!" attitude - but I would have been kicking myself for it, and that might have brought them some satisfaction for all the things I DIDN'T buy from them.
Another thing someone should be selling around there? Some sort of harness for your phone so that you don't drop it. I had my Big Gun's strap wrapped around my arm several times, and I was still sweating. We went low over the open air museum, and I told Engrish that if you were going to drop your phone, that was probably the time to do it - it might have actually survived the fall.
Well, all good things come to an end - the sun rose, we passed valleys and rock formations and ended up somewhere south of Nevsehir before our pilot took us down in a perfect landing. And can I say, humd'Allah for Muslims? I forgot, after many, many years out of the Middle East, how nice it is when someone expects - and plans for - people who won't drink. Our "champagne toast" after the flight was prepared with juice, which I appreciated. Especially since, from Engrish's sassy reaction to the Americans chatting up the pilot in front of us on the way back, the champagne didn't do anything to blunt their idiocy.
*Never let anyone tell you that blubber doesn't have its advantages!
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